cover your own ass.

do you hate your job or your place of employment? or is it just your co-workers? because they're pretty easy to kill.

volunteer at your local library

go ahead, take a few seconds for granted. you deserve it.

when i need advice about bad haircuts, i'll call you. until then, leave me and my packing tape alone.

AssassinBot simultaneously blew his cover and admitted guilt regarding the murder of the president -- his boss, WorldDominationBot, was displeased to say the least

one in five poorly drawn doodles suffers from depression

death by passive voice

it's hard to run
it's hard to jump
it's hard to kick people
but it's surprisingly easy to get pity sex

individuality is passe.